Thursday, May 05, 2005

Attack of the Pseudo-Demi-Puppets

Supporters of my work posted some comments over at the King Wenclas blog, but it looks like he has taken it down.

That's just what you would expect from some phony so-called "outsiders" who spend all their time trying to get written about in the New York Times and the fancy gossip columns.

They freaked out when they read my work, just because it was written on toilet paper in my own blood.


Blogger JDF said...

Unfortunately, as a member of the ULA I am doomed to reveal my actual identity every time I post (Choke...yes, it is as Kryptonite to me...or as it is known, Non-anonymite. Yes it effects me like denizen of the Phantom Zone Dale Peck effects Jonathan Lethem and Rick (Wannabe Magnetic Field) Moody, whose secret weekness (it only effects him every seven days, usually from Sunday Supplement Book Reviews) is held by his nemesis, the only one who knows the true origin of the cliched mess that became "Wonder Boys" (Hi Rick!). But then we're back with the superheroes -- i.e. Toby McGuire in Spiderman.)

So Pockets, the above is one example of the kind of writing you speak of when you speak of the bankruptcy of ULA writing? (As druken retarded person hammer to the head writing?) I call it warming up riff-writing Beat-style stream of consciousnes stuff. But judging by what you have shown of yourself so far, all you see in it is the big names that you think will get Google to point to this site.

But you truly miss the mark in likening us to...well whatever it is you liken us to -- I have no time to revisit your insults or try to make out the "darkly satirical" connections that you find so amusing.

I know that your "retarded" comment is immediately repugnant to me -- there are a group of people who are truly known as the retarded. And for you to throw the term around in whatever mocking way it is you have chosen is demeaning to them and those that care about them.

Stumbling blocks like you, who think this is all a game, are truly sad. Do you care where the ULA is coming from? No. Do you care that King Wenclas has sacrificed his writing career and put himself last in line to help writers who are trying to make it? No. You have already proven one thing about yourself, and that is that you are one of the reasons for the revolution in writing that we, The ULA are undertaking. In the future your kind will be nothing more than the dust that will be blown from the shelves of books produced by our writers.

And your book?

Let me guess...A Heatmaking Work Of Staggering Pocket...You Shall Know Our Hot-Pocketicity..How We Are Hot-pocketed...McPocket's Quarterly Heat...

You remind me of the misguided litblogger, who came out in support of Jonathan S. Foer against his critics (dwell on that for a moment...a non-paid volunteering lit-shill for the establishment, defending a writer who got an advance of what, a cool half mil for his second book; do you think JSF needed this guy?). How (ig)noble of you to take up arms against the ULA...and how clueless. It shows one that King's refrain about how the writer's club of the MFA'ers with its overdogs and demi-puppets to do the grunt work (that's you, Pocket) is right on the money.

It's like Eggers going against Paul Maliszewski in the NY Times to deflect the controversy from M. Chabon's Holocaust story/lecture scandal. (I suggest you go to for background on the story, if you care.) What shocked me about the incident was not that Chabon misrepresented anything -- I mean, come on, he's a fiction writer: he can do what he damn well pleases in a story or a lecture, right?

Are you still with me Pockets, or have I exceeded your intellectual capacity?

Anyway, what really shocked me was that Eggers (who, I know you know is the 800 lb. gorilla in the room, right?) was actually compelled to come down from the tower and make a statement. Right there you'd have to believe that there's even more to the story than what we've all been told by those directly concerned, right?

But if Eggers is really the grand manipulator of media that everyone says he is, perhaps the whole thing was just a planned media event. No publicity is bad publicity, as long as they spell your name right, right Pockets?

And so you (that's spelled h-o-t-p-o-c-k-e-t-s, right Hotpockets?), for who knows what reason, have inserted yourself into the ULA story. Which is one that will not end.

But with any luck, yours will end before its barely begun.

J.D. Finch, ULA Public Advocate

Note: No writers were harmed in the writing of this post...except, hopefully, Orlando Hotpockets.

11:56 PM  
Blogger Orlando Hotpockets said...

I've never heard of any of those people but it sure does sound like they are important to you!

If you were as great a writer as me you would not pay any attention to them and you would keep on writing in your own blood on toilet paper. Or the occasional paper bag maybe.

I find that it is actually pretty difficult to photocopy a toilet paper manuscript, plus there is a tendency for people to wipe their asses with your work. Though I guess that is one thing about my writing the ULA can relate to!

4:08 AM  

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